Whitaker's Strange Past: Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Toilets For Large Trouser Snakes
Credit: Jim Fischer
November 14, 2018

Matthew Whitaker is a weird dude. I don't know what else to say anymore. Mother Jones dropped an absolutely crazypants story about a product that Whitaker helped market - a "Masculine Toilet" which apparently had an extra specially designed toilet bowl to help “well-endowed men” prevent their oversized genitalia from hitting the lip of the bowl or --- gack -- the water.

Mother Jones quoted the press release from the company, World Patent Marketing: “The average male genitalia is between 5″ and 6. However, this invention is designed for those of us who measure longer than that.” The press release also mentioned that Matthew Whitaker was on the company's advisory board. His resume's most glowing previous job title was "former Iowa US Attorney and Republican candidate for United States Senate."

Since Whitaker's suspicious jump from chief of staff to Jeff Sessions to Acting A.G., reporters have been combing through his background and finding some bananas stuff. I mean, we are getting close to Infowars "gay frogs" territory here, guys.

In addition to these toilets for men with giant trouser snakes, the company also marketed a “theoretical time travel commodity tied directly to price of Bitcoin.” Mother Jones also reports that they sold Sasquatch dolls and claimed that they had DNA evidence that "proves that Bigfoot does exist.”

Oh, really?

The best of the story - and you guys are going to be SHOCKED by this - authorities discovered that World Patent Marketing was a big old scam. I AM STUNNED. They were shut down and fined $26,000,000....as in MILLIONS. So, $1,000,000 more than Trump University.

When news broke about this sham company, Democrats stated that they plan to launch investigations into Whitaker as soon as they take over heading the various House committees in January.

Trump and the DOJ stand by their man, of course. And the Democrats are powerless for at least 7 more weeks. Just enough time for Whitaker to inflict maximum harm on the rule of law and, potentially, the Mueller investigation.

Buckle up. And bring lots of toilet paper.

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