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Mitt Romney Announces He Will Replace Jeff Flake's Empty Suit

Senator-elect Mitt Romney put an op-ed in the Washington Post on New Year's Day announcing that he approves of all Trump's policy and judicial decisions, but damn, he wishes Trump would put a veneer on his sh*t sandwiches.

On New Year's Day, while we were all watching football, breaking resolutions, nursing hangovers, or taking down Christmas decorations, Utah Senator-Elect Willard "Mitt" Romney sent the Washington Post an op-ed for all of us to read in the hopes we would cheer! Or pat him on the back! Or mutter, "Thank the Lord Above for Saint Mitt, who will say things to Trump when he feels led."

Yes, folks. Senator-to-be Romney would like us all to know he wholeheartedly approves of all the things Trump has done, policy-wise.

"[Trump] was right to align U.S. corporate taxes with those of global competitors, to strip out excessive regulations, to crack down on China’s unfair trade practices, to reform criminal justice and to appoint conservative judges," Almost-Senator Mitt writes.

Oh, well, what could the matter be, Mitt? Why would you write a Very Serious Op-Ed if you agree Trump's policies and wingnut judicial appointments are right on the money?

"With the nation so divided, resentful and angry, presidential leadership in qualities of character is indispensable. And it is in this province where the incumbent’s shortfall has been most glaring," chides Mitt.

How on EARTH did we get that way, do you think? Was it a magical division that just happened when Donald Trump won the nomination? (Hint: It was not. Donald Trump is the Republican Party and vice versa). I know, division is bad. We should all fall on our knees and worship at the altar of Saint Dollar the Divine, and all would be well and we would understand Trump, who is flawed but essentially doing Good Things. If only there wasn't that pesky 47 percent to deal with.

Mitt tells us the real problem is character, my friends. Specifically, Donald Trump's character or lack thereof. His policies are great, but Mitt is disturbed that Trump tweets, often stupidly, as are we all. If only he would pretend he gave a damn! If only he would lead.

But even there, he equivocates, in the finest Flake fashion. "I do not intend to comment on every tweet or fault," writes Mitt. Because of course not!!! That would be honest. "But I will speak out against significant statements or actions that are divisive, racist, sexist, anti-immigrant, dishonest or destructive to democratic institutions."

Well, golly. That's every damn tweet that shoots out of Cadet Bone Spurs' fingers onto the internet, isn't it?

I guess it's like this: If a tweet disturbs Mitt he'll say something. I remember someone else who said things when he was disturbed about things Trump tweeted. Lots of things. Jeff Flake said a lot of Very Serious Things, and then cast his vote with Donald Trump. So it shall be with Mitt, which is why his remarks about leadership in this op-ed are so laughable I can't even quote them with a straight face.

Utah Senator-elect Willard "Mitt" Romney sees his chances at a stint in the White House as a Republican fading away with every hour that Donald Trump exposes the ugly poison infecting the Republican party, and got disturbed enough to write a thing for a newspaper Trump loathes, but that's as far as it will go, guaranteed. He'll fall in line and rubber-stamp everything -- every judge, every bill, everything -- in the name of the Holy Republican Party.

This is, after all, the same hollow man who said Some Words In 2016 about Trump, and after Trump won, vied for Secretary of State before he was kicked in the teeth by President Pussygrabber and passed over for Tex Drillerson.

Mitt Romney is the nation's capital's newest empty suit, filled with hot air, floating in to replace Jeff Flake. Or at least, to hang up his empty suit and pretend he's there.

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