Greetings and salutations, sirens and scalawags. Melissa McEwan, Professional Not-Phyllis Schlafly at your service once again, coming to you live from the Annual Convention of Women Who Value Personal Autonomy and Frequent Hairstyle Changes. My conference schedule is full of Not Being Ann Coulter and Not Being Bay Buchanan, so I'll get right down to business:

Libby reports on the epidemic of suicide among war veterans, especially those just home from Iraq.

Jon Swift had no idea that that the world of competitive Bridge is a hotbed of anti-American sentiment.

Molly Ivors has issues with the latest pile of poop MoDo calls a column. Bean has the same problem. Don't we all? And won't we, until Her Majesty of the Anti-Feminist Jackassery just goes away?

Elle, PhD finds yet another reason to dislike David Vitter—and this time it doesn't have anything to do with the hooker who's a doppelganger for his wife.

Konagod says he's old enough to remember when a billion dollars was a sh*tload of money. (Don't let his youthful exuberance fool you. He's old enough to remember when a billion dollars was two sh*tloads of money.)

The Dark Wraith wants to know how you feel about the Democrats. (Right now, "I am very disappointed in the Democrats; however, even though I think, overall, they're a bunch of spineless cowards, at least they're my spineless cowards, so I'll support them in the 2008 elections because anything is better than letting the Republicans get control, again." is winning.) Creature says he's been burned one too many times. Yeah, I've been feeling a little scalded myself.

And some Quick Hits: Dare We Hope? … Keep Your Church out of Our State … Quirks and Quarks … Joe's joe v. Jane's joe … and it's Nap Time for Dick!

Seeya tomorrow! If you've got any hot tips, email me at shakespeares_sister at Comcast dot net.