January 6, 2015

Jon Stewart had a bit of fun with the incoming "new" GOP Congress, which looks a whole lot like the "old" GOP Congress. After first taking a shot at them for finally showing up for work at noon on a Tuesday, Stewart took a look at their popularity rate and offered this analogy:

STEWART: Noon! You had to get there at noon! You know, normally that would make me mad, but since Congress probably isn't doing anything anyway, alright, why not get a late start? Hell, why not just serve them legislation in bed for God's sake? No wonder you folks have a 14 percent approval rating and apparently a roughly 95 percent incumbency rate. You know, 14 percent disapproval to 95 percent incumbency is the same disapproval to recurrence ratio currently enjoyed by the herpes virus.

Herpes, it's like Congress on your dick.

Stewart moved onto Biden and swearing in ceremonies, and then Bret Baier discussing Mitch McConnell saying that he "wants Republicans to not appear scary," which of course led to Stewart treating his audience to yet another of his famous Mitch McTurtle impersonations.

STEWART: I... sure wouldn't want to.... sure wouldn't want to startle folks... with any sudden movements.


After poking fun at McConnell and "his festive swearing in shell" Stewart moved on to the Senate Committee Chairs, with such young whippersnappers as 80 year old Orin Hatch, 81 year old Chuck Grassley, 78 year old John McCain, 78 year old Pat Roberts and 80 year old James Inhofe.

STEWART: Why do I get the idea these chairs are motorized and slowly ascending staircases? You know what? No. No! No! I'm not going to be ageist. Maybe these young whippersnappers have new fresh ideas.


Or maybe not. After playing some of climate change denier Inhofe, Stewart concluded that we're all doomed. Stewart moved onto the GOP House, where "Boehner fended off a minor challenge from an idiot" and had some fun with Boehner's striking resemblance to Groot.


Stewart wrapped things up by taking some shots at Steve Scalise for his lame excuse for speaking in front of David Duke's organization and on whether we're finally going to see President Obama make some use of that veto pen. If there's one thing we can count on, it's going to be this Congress giving Stewart and his ilk an abundance of new material over the next two years.


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