As we know, life in these United States has all too frequently outrun the ability of our satire manufacturers to keep up. It seems like every day, I look at The Onion and mistake it for a real headline story, or I hear some news that hearkens back to a Simpsons bit -- or a South Park episode.
So naturally, the Republicans say, "Hold my beer!"
Following Pres. Biden's comments that "the last thing we need is Neanderthal thinking" regarding the lifting of mask mandates, Sen. Rubio demanded an apology for people with Neanderthal genes and Sen. Blackburn proudly discussed the 'Neanderthal Caucus'.https://t.co/C12kYVCbjF
— MSNBC (@MSNBC) March 5, 2021
Marsha Blackburn responds to Biden's "Neanderthal" comments w/ impassioned defense of Neanderthals: "Neanderthals are hunter-gatherers, they're protectors of their family, they're resilient, they're resourceful, they tend to their own. So I think Joe Biden needs to rethink [it]." pic.twitter.com/758y7urJKZ
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) March 4, 2021
Neanderthal-gate is clearly the best scandal of the year. You got your goofy Biden word choice, you got your performative outrage, you got your "well I'm a PROUD caveman" farglebargle, you got stuff like this. pic.twitter.com/WVgrG8wVFC
— Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) March 4, 2021
I’m noticing quite a few of you took offense to President Biden using the term “Neanderthal.” As a reminder, post-Trump, you’re no longer allowed to complain about anything “mean” a President might say. That’s new rule #16,568.
A Former Republican
— Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) March 4, 2021
Seems like the whole fake outrage routine was too absurd even for Little Marco:
President Biden’s use of an old stereotype is hurtful to modern Europeans, Asians & Americans who inherit about 2% of their genes from Neanderthal ancestors. https://t.co/aXHJV5wLlr
He should apologize for his insensitive comments and seek training on unconscious bias.
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) March 4, 2021
. @FoxReports on how 20 hours of debate became 3:
Sen. @ChrisVanHollen asked for procedural business to begin at 9am and when they resumed, 3 hrs of debate. No Republican, including @SenRonJohnson, was there to object. The agreement was made and @SenatorBaldwin gaveled them out.
— Kristin Wilson (@kristin__wilson) March 5, 2021
Democratic Rep. Zoe Lofgren quietly releases massive 2,000-page report documenting social media posts by her Republican colleagues who voted against certifying results of the presidential election on January 6. https://t.co/FpXRQzVueM
— Laffy (@GottaLaff) March 5, 2021
"80% of minimum wage workers are women. Raising the minimum wage would automatically lift 20 million women out of poverty."
My latest on Why raising the minimum wage matters.
Please read/RT. https://t.co/QltrorWsa4
— Victoria Brownworth #EndTheMisogynyFightFor15 (@VABVOX) March 5, 2021
JUST IN: Rep. Eric Swalwell sues former Pres. Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Rudy Giuliani and GOP Rep. Mo Brooks over their alleged roles in the events leading up to and surrounding the Capitol assault on Jan. 6. https://t.co/tsSGIZR25k
— ABC News (@ABC) March 5, 2021
NEWS: Senate Dems reached an agreement to exempt the first $10,200 of unemployment benefits in 2020 from taxation. This will eliminate surprise tax bills for unemployment recipients. Story coming soon...
— David Dayen (@ddayen) March 5, 2021
I heard somebody is attacking Karl Rove, but I don't recognize the guy's name.
— Kurt "Masks Save Lives" Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) March 5, 2021
WASHINGTON (AP) — Joe Biden is enjoying an early presidential honeymoon, with 60% of Americans approving of his job performance thus far and even more backing his handling of the coronavirus pandemic, according to a new poll from The Associated Press-NORC https://t.co/KOmVmIdsKq
— Lisa Mascaro (@LisaMascaro) March 5, 2021
A bill to allow anyone 18 or over to have a loaded gun in their car on school grounds just passed #AZ House on a party line vote. Allowing 18 year olds to have a loaded gun in their car at school is just horribly dangerous. #HB2840 #azleg pic.twitter.com/OWz5yck431
— Kelli Butler (@KelliButlerAZ) March 4, 2021
— Jim Acosta (@Acosta) March 5, 2021
Honestly, every single day now, we’re watching our political discourse just consume itself over and over and over again until there’s literally no logic or coherency to be found and all that’s left is meaningless symbols.
— Jared Yates Sexton (@JYSexton) March 5, 2021
After 15 years of global democratic decline, the number of free countries is at an all time low.
The US no longer ranks among leading democracies.
But the appetite for democracy remains as strong as ever.https://t.co/XOciPgbr9a pic.twitter.com/qGqTVR2qWV
— Defend Democracy (@DefendDemocracy) March 4, 2021
What Does National Security Even Mean Anymore, After January 6th and the Pandemic?
My latest column, talking threats foreign and domestic with Mark Milley, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs: https://t.co/97l3MkzZCb
— Susan Glasser (@sbg1) March 5, 2021
Pennsylvania families exposed to unusually high levels of oil and gas industry chemicals, report finds | By Sharon Kelly https://t.co/PFFOpeNQLh
— SafetyPin-Daily (@SafetyPinDaily) March 5, 2021
Daily News | Boy Scouts celebrate the first group of female Eagle Scouts https://t.co/wJhkQ5gyPp
— Philly Daily News (@PhillyDailyNews) March 5, 2021
Republicans are increasingly casting the GOP as the “working-class party” — while opposing all the aid to the working class Biden is proposing. How does that work? @ThePlumLineGS offers a useful take. https://t.co/5A2iDYoDQ2
— EJ Dionne (@EJDionne) March 4, 2021
JUST IN: The US economy added 379,000 jobs last month, far more than economists had expected, signaling the labor market recovery is finally gaining steam. https://t.co/J1x5Zkv7kI
— CNN (@CNN) March 5, 2021
OPINION | Improving nursing homes: How to make poor care less profitable
N.Y. is making headlines for the wrong reason. Nursing home negligence is pervasive in every corner of the state. However, out of this tragedy springs an opportunity for real change.https://t.co/OGniqvmtQN
— New York Daily News (@NYDailyNews) March 5, 2021
Kentucky is trying to make it illegal to taunt police officers 🥺 https://t.co/KHGiuoZyou
— Elizabeth Nolan Brown (@ENBrown) March 5, 2021
House Resolution 1 would restrict partisan gerrymandering of congressional districts, strike down hurdles to voting and bring transparency to a murky campaign finance system. https://t.co/pXvAi2QHuo
— Action News on 6abc (@6abc) March 5, 2021
— Laffy (@GottaLaff) March 5, 2021
@Timodc does a public service in stitching together the horrid activities of Rep Gosar. Hopefully investigations are underway given his meetings w/ domestic violent extremists & organizing 1/6 - but if that fails, who is going primary him in 2022?! https://t.co/n0dwwfSMhq
— Elizabeth Neumann (@NeuSummits) March 5, 2021
Changing Senate rules to require a ‘Jimmy Stewart Filibuster’ would force Republicans to defend their "ideas" and actually work for what they say they believe in...while satisfying Manchin & Sinema. https://t.co/MlHmR4QbZ1
— Thom Hartmann (@Thom_Hartmann) March 5, 2021
— Julián Castro (@JulianCastro) March 5, 2021
📢BREAKING: @SecBlinken @StateDept sanction Ukrainian oligarch Igor Kolomoisky and his family for "involvement in significant corruption." The move bans them from entry to the US. Kolomoisky is accused of using $ stolen from Ukraine's largest bank to build a US real estate empire pic.twitter.com/8jbQz1smm8
— Christopher Miller (@ChristopherJM) March 5, 2021
With the Johnson & Johnson one-shot vaccine in NYC, homebound seniors can now sign up to get a vaccination home visit.
Here's the form to sign yourself or someone else up: https://t.co/esDt774ziJ
— Brad Lander (@bradlander) March 5, 2021
Yet another landmark of Philadelphia’s Black history is under assault, the John Coltrane house. My story: https://t.co/ShdxKw8xi3
— Inga Saffron (@IngaSaffron) March 5, 2021
Princeton university debating society votes to rescind award granted to Ted Cruz, citing years of odious gimbusry. https://t.co/qfPm7IoqFb
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) March 5, 2021
"Perjury is perjury. That’s a lesson the nation learned from (checks notes) Brett Kavanaugh himself, who, as part of the Ken Starr legal team, crafted the strategy of impeaching Bill Clinton for lying under oath about a blowjob."https://t.co/USxcpZrusm
— Greg Olear (@gregolear) March 5, 2021
From left, Karyn Carson, John Carson, Lois Houser and Matthew Giannini, supporters of former President Donald Trump, stand near the security perimeter outside of the U.S. Capitol Building, hoping to see evidence of an inauguration of former President Trump. Photo by @LeahMillis pic.twitter.com/ptTiS1rG9x
— corinne_perkins (@corinne_perkins) March 4, 2021
Republican Sen. Josh Hawley to FBI Director Wray on Tuesday: “Cell tower data scooped up by the bureau — what’s happened to that?”
Now: FBI arrests a former State Dept aide as federal investigators examine messages between members of Congress and pro-Trump rioters
— Hugo Lowell (@hugolowell) March 5, 2021
Killed on March 5, 1770, Crispus Attucks was an American stevedore of African and Native Wampanoag descent, widely regarded as the first person killed in the Boston Massacre and thus the first American killed in the American Revolution.https://t.co/lemqjGZQts#OurStory #History pic.twitter.com/yV1ehmlGtN
— da Vinci Parks (@FlashBlackRadio) March 5, 2021
Lou Reed's 100 favourite songs of all time makes for a serious playlist https://t.co/mycr3BMAyO
— Far Out Magazine (@FarOutMag) February 24, 2021
Baltimore is piloting a software program developed by Everytown for Gun Safety that works to identify patterns for weapons involved in crimes, allowing law enforcement to track down illegal gun trafficking enterprises. https://t.co/2gXG8wkxaJ
— Axios (@axios) March 3, 2021
Guys, my grandfather turns 90 in about 2 months.
He has a podcast about growing up in Jim Crow that he’s very proud of. If I’d plug anyone or anything, it’d be this guy.https://t.co/tvN4pGai9Y pic.twitter.com/qrnDfryq4A
— C (@_hotc0c0) February 28, 2021
A 19-year-old protestor killed by police in Myanmar: "My very first vote, from the bottom of my heart," she posted, with six red hearts. "I did my duty for my country" https://t.co/HcGD4H5GLy
— Drew Harwell (@drewharwell) March 4, 2021
— thomas w schaller (@twschaller) March 4, 2021
DEPT OF 'OH LOOK AT THAT!'
Yesterday evening I received my Covid-19 vaccine. Then I went to a frozen lake to dance Bhangra on it for joy, hope and positivity, which I'm forwarding across Canada and beyond for everyone's health and wellbeing. pic.twitter.com/8BS0N7zVZK
— Gurdeep Pandher of Yukon (@GurdeepPandher) March 2, 2021
losing my entire gourd over this photo of a murmuration of starlings by james crombie in the irish times today pic.twitter.com/Uq0aRVudRM
— bridget 🌸🐝 (@wholemilkbitch) March 4, 2021
In case you need a smile today... pic.twitter.com/sscXvYOb7n
— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) March 3, 2021
He thinks he is still a puppy 🥰😘 pic.twitter.com/xu91MdG1gU
— Puppies 🐶 (@PopularPuppies) February 26, 2021
This just isn’t right...
— Mystery Solvent (@MysterySolvent) March 4, 2021
— 𝙒𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 (@b_saksiri) March 4, 2021
Mother elephant can’t wake her sleeping baby and asks the keepers for help.. 🥺 pic.twitter.com/83jWORrCXR
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden_) March 4, 2021
just a guinea pig eating blueberries, nothing else... pic.twitter.com/eHsOwBZ2pz
— Nature & Animals🌴 (@AnimalsWorId) March 4, 2021
That's it! Have a great weekend, wash your hands and wear your masks. Any minute now, we'll have pandemic relief funding, and people can breathe easier.
Finally: I don't want to tempt fate, but it's really starting to feel like spring around here.